Hung Up On

House of the Day

2012-01-17T06:15:00.001-05:00

Today I just want to share with readers a really great gem on the Wall Street Journal website: the House of the Day. This feature, which isn't religiously updated every day but pretty often, showcases luxurious homes in the United States and around the world. Although I can't afford any of these houses (and might not ever be able to), I really enjoy looking at the different styles and interior design schemes. And I love to imagine what I would do with that space, like in today's highlighted English Manor house.

Video Poetry

2012-01-11T21:06:00.000-05:00

Here are some videos from poetry open mic night last Friday. They're sideways, but I decided to put them up anyway. Apparently I still haven't figured out the video function on my digital camera.

The first is me, doing a short piece.

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The next is a clip from my friend Sean's song:

And this last one is one of the poetry open mic regulars... "Satan"... singing his amusing and political Christmas carols:

Growing Up

2012-01-10T19:07:00.001-05:00

Adventure is waiting
For the birds to announce
The first day of spring
And then waking up early
To jump in the watering hole
Or shitty plastic baby pool
That killed the grass in the yard

You watch the ants hoof it
Along the gum-strewn pavement
Nature hides its fragility behind force
But death always finds a way
To take us up to heaven
Or into the black nothingness
That fills a hole in the ground

In the morning Mom hears you leaving
She climbs out of bed to kiss you off
Some days she's stuck in dreams
And you open the bedroom door
Softly, with a niggling fear
Or actually a stab of panic
That she might not move at the sound

New Record!

2012-01-06T07:30:00.000-05:00

Before I dated Todd, my longest relationship was about one year and two months. It was nearly one year and three months, if you counted times of momentary separation into the total. That's a pathetically short range, I know.

But I'm glad that all of those relationships ended, because I was never as happy as I am now. And, my relationship length standard has reached a whole new level: one year and four months. I hope that the ease, warmth, and passion of this relationship never end.

Here are some photos from our one year and fourth month-iversary dinner:

i know, we're so classy

i think i awkwardly took this right after he finished chewing

i was much more excited about that frosty than i look here

One of the Blessed Ones

2012-01-05T07:08:00.000-05:00

When she was younger and growing up on Long Island, the former chair of the NYSSCPA Not-for-Profit Organizations Committee wished she could perform as a modern jazz dancer. Then, in her college undergraduate years at SUNY Binghamton, she studied English and prepared to teach literature. But her ambitions changed and she became a CPA, working as Eisner LLP’s director of not-for-profit services and as an adjunct professor of auditing at Baruch College.

Julie Floch doesn’t regret that decision at all.

"I feel like I’m one of the blessed people,” she said. “I don’t know a lot of people who would say, day in and day out, that they really like their lives. And I really like mine."

...Read the rest of my Tax Stringer Member Spotlight article on CPA Julie Floch.

New Year, New Opportunity

2012-01-04T06:58:00.000-05:00

In 2010, I had 54 posts, up from 49 in 2009. In 2011, I wrote 93 posts. This year, I want to break 100 posts. I'd like to start posting more often, both about experiences I'm having as well as about interesting or educational tidbits I read in the news or online. To me, sharing information and ideas is one of the most important activities we can engage in, and I'd like to take an even more active role in making that happen among my followers, family, and friends.

On that note, I'm going to share with you my other resolutions for this year - a year that some believe will bring about the end of the world. Whether it will or won't isn't for me to decide, but I'd like to make it the best year yet, just in case. I want to try and show more appreciation for those around me who impact my life in positive ways, and I hope to spend more time exploring activities and studies that interest me.

First, I resolve to actually work on and finish editing through the novel manuscript I've written. I'd like to tighten my writing into a blend of Fitzgerald's spot on descriptions and vocabulary with Atwood's storytelling knack and restraint. Not that it will get anywhere close to that, but I figure that having high standards probably can't hurt.

Second, I resolve to be the best girlfriend I can be: understanding, interested, and most of all honest. I will try my best to show appreciation for the many things that Todd does for me, and I will try to never make him sad. In the same vein, I'd like to be a better daughter to my parents and a better friend to those who have been there for me.

Third, I will figure out a plan for school. For anyone who doesn't know, I'm wavering right now about going back to school and what I should go for, and how I should approach it. By the end of the year, I want to at least have a focus and a direction to take.

Fourth, I want to start brushing up on my Hungarian language skills again. I haven't been able to speak the language or practice for quite some time, but I want to start reading and translating again, listening to Hungarian radio on my phone, perusing Hungarian news, and maybe finding someone to speak the language with so that I don't lose it.

Fifth, I want to further develop and realize my own identity and abilities. I want to dig even deeper into my soul and mind and release all of the potential that lies in waiting. I want to remain true to myself and to the things I love. I want to avoid being swayed by popular opinion or crowds. I want to remain firm to my beliefs and strengthen them. Lastly, I want to delve into my psyche and heal up any old wounds that still linger.

Whew, that was an exhausting list, just to type. But I'm up for the challenge of trying to achieve all of those goals. And I hope that you've come up with some good goals for the new year too. Even if you don't believe in "resolutions," as such, it's always good to have goals. By striving to reach new heights, we can be surprised by what we might find. What are your goals for 2012? Maybe we can help each other succeed.

looking forward to a year of laughs and love.

holiday

2011-12-15T07:25:00.001-05:00

glass loses reflection in the predawn

morning fog veils building peaks

and we cross the street despite

the taxis

working from darkness to darkness

venturing out into afternoon sunlight

feels like the state between dreaming

and awake

tourists impede pedestrian traffic

we twist one scarf around our necks

with hands clasped we're like two gifts

in ribbon

too quickly the lunch hour passes

there are no windows in our office

look around-- it's a solemn masoleum

of goals

bags get heavier the longer they're held

to our myopic eyes the lamplight slurs

we miss the details for shiny circles with

hazy edges

but we can see the essence of everything

back into ground

2011-12-09T16:07:00.001-05:00

they say the city is a jungle. do they mean arms and ankles and eyebrows and teeth? the colossal steel hands lift the limbs up behind the neck, up into reflections of the waves above our heads. we're all animals at the core. with the deepening of our days, we will all start to feel fur or feathers, scales or sandpaper skin. we'll grab each other and run toward the forest. little monsters trying to find our way out of a world of distorted reflections in glass. let's build our homes in the trunks of the giant redwoods. we will morph into the xylem and phloem. the up and down processes will slosh our blood around in our mouths and we'll swallow each other down for nutrients. where are the rings of age on skyscrapers? what will become of the arms and ankles and eyebrows and teeth?

For What It's Worth

2011-12-06T06:52:00.001-05:00

More often than not, I wonder what I was thinking when I decided to pursue a journalism degree. I have inner anxiety when it comes to talking to people, and I always stress about each article to try and make sure it's as perfect as it can get. But then sometimes there are interviews that really make me appreciate my decision to follow this career track; not only are they interesting, but the person on the other end is super friendly and makes you feel comfortable asking them questions.

John K. Samson of The Weakerthans falls into that category, along with others like Stephen Kellogg and Josh Ritter. And now that I've finally interviewed the singer of my favorite band, I feel like all of my hard work has been worth it so far. Check out my interview below:

Photo Post!

2011-12-02T06:41:00.000-05:00

Lately it seems like it's always one thing after another. Thanksgiving, hanging out with friends visiting, work, more work, writing articles, and now upcoming concerts and then Christmas. Here are some photos that explain what I've been up to better than I can:

giant plate of Thanksgiving food and a salad drenched in dressing

Union Square

chocolate pizza from Max Brenner... mm I love those marshmallows

group photo: Kayla, Sean, Jo, Beyza, me, Todd

getting into the Christmas spirit even though he's Jewish

i love Rudolph

it makes me happy to look at this beautiful tree

bluejay in winter

2011-11-17T15:36:00.001-05:00

the sky looks like a polluted ocean outside the window and the writer sighs at overused metaphors.

sheets of paper pour from the printer and the daughter can smell the ink all the way in the kitchen.

the pie on the oven has a crack down the center; she can never bake the way her mother did.

she rests her head in an oven mitt hand and listens to the windows rattle behind their screens.

the mother's cross hangs around the writer's neck and he rubs his thumb against the golden christ.

in march the ground is snow and what isn't slush has been coated with dirt and homeless man's pee.

the printer runs out of paper and the writer tries to recall whether he has another ream in the closet.

the daughter notices the hum has stopped and decides to help the writer find some more paper.

but the writer has lost interest in the novel and is staring outside of the window at a bluejay.

the daughter walks to his side and tries to read over his shoulder; last time she asked, he refused.

the bluejay weaves through the air like confetti and spirals down toward a berry bush in the yard.

both writer and daughter try not to think about the day its roots took to soil but they do anyway.

the bluejay's wings knocks against the branches that the mother pruned with scissors from the shed.

the daughter reads about a young woman with sunglasses; she guesses that it's supposed to be her.

the young woman with sunglasses is trying to escape from a block of ice but she can't get out.

the branches shake as the bluejay struggles against the gust to get back to his mate in the tall oak.

the mother's cross sways as the writer leans forward to watch the scene in the noxious sky.

the young woman with sunglasses closes her eyes and awakes twenty years later in an inferno.

landing on a tree limb the bluejay offers his mate a berry that he's caught on a twig in his beak.

the daughter coughs and puts a hand to her chest; she worries about asthma and heart attacks.

the writer knows that if he were a bluejay

eating berries with his wife in a tree

then he would never need words again.

Seeing Both Sides on Wall Street

2011-11-16T06:57:00.001-05:00

Like a typical Pisces, I have the tendency to look at both sides of an issue, and often can't make up my mind about which side I agree with. When it comes to the Occupy Wall Street movement, I agree in theory but not entirely in practice.

While I agree that our economy is in shambles and our country at a low, I'm not sure that simply occupying a park will really solve any of those problems. As a college graduate looking to go to graduate school and currently working full time, I know what's it's like to have loans. To worry about your future. To believe that the 1% are running the country while the 99% slave away below the windows of the Park Ave. mansions. I agree with the sentiment of the protestors that something needs to be done and I agree with their right to protest and free speech. I believe that the protest did help raise awareness in this country about the great disparity between the wealthy and the rest of us. I believe it did spark other protests and the beginnings of a discourse in the country. I believe it does make an important point (or, several points, since many of the protestors seem to have different ideas of what's the best strategy and what the real problems are).

But these protests, I believe, should not create unsanitary or unsafe conditions in the community. These protests should not create an unnecessary burden on taxpayers, which is what it's doing. Who is ultimately going to end up paying for the police force needed to evict them or clean up the park? It's going to come out of taxpayer money. And when rumors of weapons, feces on the ground, and sexual assault come into play, the community is bound to react with complaints, and the movement will lose support.

At 1 a.m. on Tuesday morning, police conducted a raid on the protestors in Zuccotti Park, awaking most with blaring klieg lights and, later, forcible eviction, according to a New York Times article. Many protestors simply picked up their belongings and left, although a core few tried to stick it out in the center of the park. Others broke into a lot belonging to Trinity Church with bolt cutters. After 2 months, the protest in the park came to and end. And although protestors have been allowed back into the park and say they won't give up the fight, a judge ruled that they couldn't camp out or bring tents or other gear into the park, which had been designed as a 24-7 recreation center for the community. At about 7 a.m. this morning, the Daily News live blog reported that only a mere 25 protestors had remained or returned to the park.

Like most people, I know how hard it is to get involved. To stray from your daily habits and speak out. How can we break into a system already dominated by the individuals in power? How can we send a political message when we need money to influence any politicians in the system? Who is left that's not corrupt? Who is left that actually cares about democracy and equality in this country? These are tough questions to answer, and if anyone has a solution, I'd be interested to hear it. I wish I knew what we should do to take back our country, but I don't. So until there's a better alternative, I'll support the protestors in the park, because at least some protest - whatever form it takes - is better than none at all.

Daily News Live Blog of OWS

2011-11-15T20:21:00.001-05:00

I'll have a post about this soon, but for now, join me in checking out The Daily News' live blog of all the action going down at Zuccotti Park.

Song of the Day

2011-11-15T06:41:00.001-05:00

This is one of the songs on the upcoming Los Campesinos! release, "Hello Sadness." The album marks a clear change from the interchanging male and female vocals of their past releases, and the vocals are actually sung rather than their typical speak/scream method. I can't help liking this song because it's so catchy, but I wish it had been created by some other band.

In The Studio

2011-11-14T07:58:00.001-05:00

The guy's in Friday's Nightmare have recently spent time in the studio working on a new EP of their genre-defying songs. But last night, they were in The Studio quite literally - that is, The Studio at Webster Hall! They played for about 30 minutes, and were followed by their good friends FigureHead.

Check out some photos from the show, listen to some tunes, and be sure to visit their band page for more information.

Todd on drums and glockenspiel <3

Ilya on guitar

Zim on bass

a reaction to communism or possibly to sorrow

2011-11-13T12:18:00.001-05:00

"Take a body to water, take a body to tundra

just take me with you as well."

- Los Campesinos, 'To Tundra'

the highways intersect just outside of Kópháza
and the cars zoom around a round-about
just about a mile from the house where she grew up

with chickens in the yard

she walked a mile across town to get to school

and from school to the factory where she learned to sew

cross stitches and lace doilies

she continued making them into old age

she never told anyone about her daddy's sickness

about the lone orange she received for christmas

about the mother in law who called her princess

and spat in her face

in Kópháza, the summer sun burned hottest at noon

but it was night when she crept from her house

before the highways were ever built

and snuck across the border and escaped

The Early Morning Starbucks Writer

2011-09-26T08:29:00.001-04:00

that guy in the brown
cap and plaid shirt?
with the beeper
on his belt and going grey?
yeah, he's a writer.

i know because
i see a word document open on his laptop and what looks
like the structure of a poem, and he's staring out of the window
but not really seeing anything, and occassionally he stops to tap
his fingers on his leg, as though trying to decide what witty metaphor
to construct next, and then he'll type a word or two, and then highlight
what he's just written and read it over -- once for typos, twice to decide
whether it makes sense, and a third to realize he doesn't like it, and then
he deletes it and tries again and that's the process of writing: staring, tapping
writing and reading and deleting until finally, either out of defeat or satisfaction,
something
sticks.

Weather Forecast

2011-09-22T07:04:00.002-04:00

i watch businessmen with starbucks lattes and women in tight spandex hurrying to the gym and a police car crusing lights off - safe for now - and someone who stops in the middle of the sidewalk to sneeze and then looks up eyes catching mine as if to say how could you and i am ashamed at watching the world through windows instead of venturing outside so maybe maybe maybe tomorrow

but only if there's no more rain

Photos and Goodbyes

2011-09-20T13:36:00.000-04:00

This weekend I went down to the Williamsburg waterfront with Todd and some friends, and yesterday I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends, Beyza, because she's moving to Chicago. Here are some photos from both events:

One of my favorite pictures of Todd

And one of me, of course.

Spring rolls with pineapple sauce and pineapples that Beyza and I shared during out last meal togethe rbefore she moves.

Best Friends <3

a simile for the latest heartbreak

2011-09-19T06:15:00.002-04:00

i woke up and the snow outside had piled past the porch. i wrapped myself in one blanket, and then another, and then three more. i lay in bed and walked through mental deserts. the heat and the electricity had both failed some time during the night. dad's fish all floated face up in their tanks. we lit candles and turned on the gas stove, which we knew could burn down the house. but maybe burning fast would hurt less than freezing slow. we hadn't noticed the sudden outage around midnight, but now we all shivered and curled up and wished we could go back to sleep and pretend that everything was still okay.

it was like that.

x-ray of first heartbreak

2011-09-17T09:48:00.002-04:00

at midnight under a streetlamp i first saw your shadow

you had furry fruit bat wings and your eyes burned
like grains of salt on our tongues
i’m scraping it now just to keep it clean
i couldn’t see your arrogance, just your innocence

walked into a room and saw an aging dentist
with his hand up his patient’s skirt
our love hung upside down with its eyes closed
balancing by its very tiny feet
and we bit the insides of each other’s cheeks
so we could taste them bleed
i said, wrap around me with those wings
the wind is way too cold

at midnight under a streetlamp your heart hid
a wisdom tooth that hadn’t broken skin
we talked about bobsledding and hotel pools
i didn’t realize you knew the grammar of deceiti couldn’t see your pessimism, just your body
swathed in tight black jeans, i can see your ribcage
heave with every thrust or laugh or sob

walked into a room with my mother and father and brother
praying and wearing pink headdresses like displaced aboriginals
from outer space i moved to kiss you but you disappeared
and left me with this ache this cavity
filled with the bones of fledgling dinosaurs

i took refusge in a room

that made me seem good and brave

A Pound of Flesh, a Grain of Salt

2011-09-14T08:38:00.001-04:00

I've never thought of myself as heavy, but absolutely no one would say I'm thin, either. Since high school, my weight climbed from 125 lbs to 137 lbs. It's not an abnormal weight gain, really, but since I'm only 5'1, it wasn't hard to tell. When I went to my doctor earlier in the summer, he told me that I needed to reduce my weight, at least to 130.

I've always viewed diets and exercise regimes with a grain of salt. I refused to give up eating junk food, or fast food, or any kind of food, and I refused to do intense exercise more than once or twice a week, and I definitely didn't want to pay $80 per month for a gym membership. But I had to lose the weight.

So I decided to actually listen to something my mom always tells me: Everything is alright in moderation. I cut my fast food eating to twice a month. And although I miss random Taco Bell runs, I do feel better because of it. I tried to keep my candy consumption down, with only one major candy binge every few weeks. I started doing a little bit of exercise every week, sometimes with my brother and sometimes on the treadmill.

It's been a few months now, and I've lost about 5 or 6 pounds. Is that a miracle? No. It hasn't been easy and it hasn't happened quickly, but I'm getting down to my target weight, one pound at a time. Sometimes, taking it slow and easing into it works better than jumping on a dietary bandwagon. If I want to keep off this weight, I have to maintain a lifestyle change, not just a temporary fix.

To calculate your own body mass index (BMI), use this calculator. The cool thing about it is that it compares you to the national averages for the U.S., which looks pretty bad to me.

Weekend Roundup

2011-09-12T08:35:00.001-04:00

It seems like Monday always comes too fast. This weekend I went to Todd's cousin's sweet 16 party and mostly just played Scrabble with him and our respective families. His sister took this photo of us with her iPhone.

In other news, this morning I realized that a hazy, indie band that I really like - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - has an album coming out pretty soon, "Hysterical." It's streaming for free right now on National Public Radio (NPR), so here's a link for your listening pleasure. Listening so far, I feel that this is their most accessible album yet, given the fact that you can actually understand at least half of the lyrics. Let me know your thoughts.

News and Views

2011-09-09T09:06:00.000-04:00

Although I've wanted to, I haven't gotten a chance to post much in the last week or so because I've been pretty busy at work and writing event listings for amNewYork. But then I thought, "Wait a minute! I should be sharing my work!" So here it is:

Check out the September issue of Tax Stringer, an online newsletter aimed at CPAs, accountants, or anyone interested in tax. I basically edited all of the stories here.

Or, check out the September issue of The Trusted Professional, a newspaper with more general stories and a focus on New York chapters, which is the part that I'm mostly involved with.

New issues of each publish on the first of every month, so stay tuned!

------------------------------------

In other news, I loved my one year anniversary celebration with Todd last Monday. We went to see HAIR on Broadway during its brief stint with the touring cast and, as always, it was wonderful. Todd enjoyed it as well. Unfortunately, we both noticed that the theatre remained strikingly empty throughout the performance, and we were both surprised that more people hadn't taken the advantage to view the show before it disappears again.

Next week is a new week, and hopefully I'll have some new posts then, too! Until then, have a great weekend, readers!

Tropical Storm Irene

2011-08-30T06:55:00.000-04:00

This weekend tropical storm Irene hit New York City; in preparation, the mayor issued an evacuation order for low-lying areas and shut down the subways. For a recap of how the hurricane affected us here in the Bronx, check out my dad's continual iReport video coverage:

When We Were Mountain Slopes

2011-08-24T06:18:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I introduced you to Anne Waldman. Today, I've tried my hand at a similar style, relying on language to move the poem along and take it to its conclusion:

When We Were Mountain Slopes

I am

I amuse

I assume

I amass vast

Collections of stuff

Stuffed animals (blue bear, polar bear, puppet dragon, dragon that belonged to brother, TAC which is not a cat, Wollip which is a pillow…pet. Penguin, 10stitchesandthelistgoeson)

I go on

I go on to bigger things

I go on to smaller things

I go on top of you

Some of the time

We go on top of each other

Through each other between each other inside each other

On the subways or

Times Square or rubble heap of World Trade Center

It will go on, on and up

We hold each other up

We prop each other up

We whisper each other up

In the waning night

I wean

I war

Whittle words

Down to bare bones meanings

Mean is average (if I am the mean then you are the mode, and our happiness is the median our lives are an exponential line rise, the sudden influx in shoppers at Christmas)

I live for Christmas

I live for Christ

I am Christina and I contain Christ

We contain Christ together

We bleed and ache together

I ache alone

Some of the time

We breathe on each other

Through each other between each other inside each other

In Starbucks or through pixel

webcam screens or blackness or whiteness or multi-color

I multi-color

I color code

We color each other

Each other’s lives just by existing

I am we are I am we are I am we are

I am we are going up and up and on and on and up and on but what about

What about falling?

Song of the Day

2011-08-23T07:03:00.001-04:00

Instead of posting an actual song today, I'm going to post a link to the poetic chant "Fast Speaking Woman" by Anne Waldman. This is only an excerpt. When I read the long-form of the poem, I enjoyed the way she took a concept and continually built on it by deviating from it and then returning to it in a cyclical path. I also really admired how she went from one sentence to another by building on word sounds, using language as a means of progression and discovery.

There are two other poems by Anne Waldman that I really like, but I can't find them on Youtube so I'm just going to type up the text here. The first is actually part two of a three-piece poem, "A Book of Events":

In Her Lament
spin
spin
the saint is a woman scorned
wash your hair
your skirts
scent your hands with myrrh
say you will never die of love
spin
spin

-----

The second is a little bit longer, but has such a great rhythm:

GYPSY NUN
after Lorca

She wants to be weaving
imaginary flores:
magnolia
sunflower
saffron
moonflower
all these for
the end of time
In a nearby kitchen
5 yellow grapefruit
ripen
5 wounds of Christ
She doesn't cackle
she gives up her pain
- something outside -
distant - ho -
where did her youth
her sex go?
What reminds her of what?
A white dress loosens
Her heart of herbs, sugar,
of spice
isn't broken
Longitudinal pain recedes
further back
20 suns above blink on, off
on, off

She reverts tension to
flowers, horizontal
light playing
a game over her window
blind

magnolia
sunflower
saffron
moonflower
on, off
on
on

On Making Choices

2011-08-22T07:54:00.001-04:00

balancing on the cusp of a revelation

a fly hovering just above a Venus trap

scared and too cautious, i will never know

about life after death

First Day Jitters

2011-08-19T04:37:00.000-04:00

Over the summer, I've been working part-time as a Publishing Assistant for The CPA Journal, a technical journal with in-depth articles aimed at certified public accountants (CPA). The journal is run by the New York State Society of Certified Public Accountants (NYSSCPA). Today I begin working full-time for NYSSCPA: part-time for the journal and part time as an Associate Editor of the NYSSCPA newspaper, The Trusted Professional, and e-newsletter, The Tax Stringer. Technical terms aside, it's my first real day today, and time to actually start a real job. I've put this off as long as I possibly can, but now I can't hide from it any more. Wish me luck!

When Comics and Music Collide

2011-08-17T06:53:00.001-04:00

Check out my article out in amNewYork today about some musicians, such as singer/songwriter Will Knox, who are branching out into comics:

up close, the magnitude of action becomes realized

2011-08-08T14:30:00.001-04:00

hanging between doorframe

and curtain rod, spider snaps

at looming hands and weaves

silk threads into snowflake

God Is An Astronaut Article

2011-08-07T20:10:00.000-04:00

Here's an article I wrote for amNewYork newspaper!

Commu(nica)ting

2011-08-01T08:11:00.000-04:00

Twenty minutes. Still no train.
Brother walks into the station.
Begins a book he's read five times.

Finally a whoosh and a whir.
Train pulls up. We step in.
He lets me go first to grab a seat.

Express and we skip stops.
He doesn't acknowledge me.
But lets me lean on his shoulder.

And I guess that's more than enough.

Weekend Roundup

2011-07-31T18:37:00.001-04:00

It's been a busy weekend, filled with family functions (my cousin's engagement party) and writing amNewYork event listings/articles and traveling into and out of Manhattan and hanging out with friends on my porch while watching a thunderstorm and figuring out my new smartphone. And then there was the best part: hanging out with Todd.

At the end of this week, it will be our 11-month-iversary already. I'm trying to plan out a date to take him on, since he planned a really great date for me last month. I'll keep you updated on how it turns out.

Have a good week, readers! I'll update as often as I can :)

ART

2011-07-29T09:27:00.000-04:00

When I was younger, about 8 or 9 maybe, my dad and I were playing around with some foam-like clay. While I can't remember what I tried to create with the substance, I can still look to the shelf above my desk to see the miniature Christmas tree that he made for me, complete with tiny round ornaments and tinsel wrapping round its branchless trunk. And although sometimes the ornaments fall off or the tinsel starts unwinding, I always try to glue it back together because, for me, it's a symbol of all the time and energy my dad devoted to giving me a good childhood.

Click here to read my poem, "Art," about the Christmas tree on the Green Spot Blue website, where it was published today.

Exercise & Breath

2011-07-20T08:46:00.003-04:00

Do you pay attention to the way you breathe? Do you stop, feel the breath slowly enter your mouth, slide down your throat, and fill your lungs? And then reverse?

I have to admit, I don't usually think about the way I'm breathing unless I'm trying to do yoga or calm myself down. When I'm doing any other kind of exercises, the most I do is pant in exhaustion. But this morning I read an interesting article on Live Strong, which had some useful information on different breathing techniques to remember when exercising and when's the best time to use each one.

If you like to exercise, be sure to check it out and put it into practice. If you're lazy like me, then you should just read it over so that you can pretend you exercise during all those water cooler discussions at work.

Song of the Day

2011-07-19T06:23:00.003-04:00

Point / Counterpoint by Streetlight Manifesto

A Date With Creativity

2011-07-18T08:11:00.001-04:00

Let's spend a midnight in Paris
walking all the same streets
as the classic literary greats --
   On this side of paradise, we hold hands.
   We watch the tender night give way.
   As the sun rises we kiss and part.
   We bid a farewell to arms that kept us warm.

How We Met (Aw)

2011-07-15T16:20:00.000-04:00

I'm sure all regular followers of my blog have seen more pictures than necessary of me and my boyfriend Todd. But what you haven't seen yet is an in-depth account of how we met. And now you can read just that at HowAboutWe, a fun dating website that features a series of "First Date Stories." Make sure to check out all of the other features of the site while you're there as well.

And now, another picture of me and Todd :)

why saying you're in love isn't the same as showing it

2011-07-06T07:57:00.003-04:00

we were like that spark of creativity

that pops into the mind while watching a play

or while reading our favorite novels;we think

we will write something great

we have so many ideas

really, what could go wrong?

and then three months later

we never even opened the box of black

gel pens we bought especially

for writing

The Sled

2011-07-04T11:15:00.002-04:00

when the fence around the yard stood
taller than me
i listened to the old man next door whistling
and scraping away
i grabbed a stool that Dad used
to paint the black shed roof
i peered over
he told me it was a sled it was so big and sleek that i knew it would soar
down the big hill when the snow came
when i asked what he needed a sled for
in the first place he said
that man always needs a way
to get away
that winter i built an igloo and sat with
ice chips melting into my socks
and thought i understood what he meant
life passed like ears stuffed with cotton
years later i went home and my neighbor
had moved out but the sled still remained
rusty and peeling in the yard
i thought about fixing it up
getting it together
venturing out into the
Great White North
then i noticed a tiny set of black hand prints
on the fence and changed my mind
it isn't a method of escape that man needs
it's something to guide him home

My Return & a Josh Ritter Article

2011-06-27T08:02:00.000-04:00

Now that I've returned from visiting my grandparents in Florida (thankfully my grandfather is doing well) and a brief but really great stint in Lake George with Todd, I'll be posting regularly again soon.

In the interim, here's an article I wrote on musician and author Josh Ritter, who is doing a book signing at Barnes & Noble Union Square tomorrow. Check it out below and be sure to give him a listen / read up on his new book here. (If the font is too small below, you can read it here on page 18 and zoom in as much as you'd like).

Oscar

2011-06-04T11:31:00.001-04:00

So a short story I wrote has been featured as today's story of the day on the Fiction365 website. It's about a man and his semi-estranged wife. Check it out here.

Death Cab For Cutie Article!

2011-06-01T07:42:00.000-04:00

Check out the interview I did with Death Cab For Cutie's Chris Walla for amNewYork newspaper!

Song of the Day

2011-05-24T21:33:00.001-04:00

Todd tried to teach me parts of this today:
"Death to Los Campesinos" by Los Campesinos

You Are Still Yourself

2011-05-20T13:03:00.000-04:00

For the past year I've had long hair. And by long I mean that I came down over my neck and nearly to my shoulders, if it didn't actually touch them. Before that, I had short hair for a long time. Yesterday I had scheduled a haircut and had planned on merely getting a trim, but before I knew it, I had envisioned a short haircut that I really, really wanted and I decided that there was no reason to wait. Although many people - like my mom - are afraid to cut too much off their hair or branch out with a different style, I find that it helps to remember that you are still you, no matter how your hair looks or what color it is. And keep in mind that no matter how bad it gets, your hair will always grow back

So what does your hair look like? If you could have any style at all, what would you want? Once you've considered that, now ask yourself: why not?

Heart Chakra

2011-05-18T12:36:00.004-04:00

Photo from: HowToOpenChakras

The fourth chakra - anahata in Sanskrit - hovers around the area of the heart and is represented by a lotus flower with 12 petals. These petals represent feelings of lust, indecision, repentance, hope, anxiety, longing, impartiality, arrogance, incompetence, discrimination and defiance. The heart chakra governs these feelings and keeps them balanced within our hearts. It governs the sense of touch and thus primarily rules the hands and the skin. The color green, also a very potent color for growth and healing, represents the heart chakra.

When this chakra is balanced, we feel unconditional love and compassion for those around us and for humanity. We strive for peace with all of our actions and we interact easily and naturally with other people. If your heart chakra is blocked, however, you will feel vengeful and unnecessarily mean or harsh towards others. You will feel overwhelming guilt and paranoia, and ultimately you will either drive others away or rely on others for happiness, rather than feeling it deep within yourself. This emotional turmoil may be physically manifested through heart problems, trouble breathing, and upper back pain.

To unblock your heart chakra, learn to give and share more generously and love others for their flaws as well as for their positive qualities. For some tangible exercises to open this energy center, try practices yoga poses such as the Locust, the Fish, and the Camel. Carry around emerald or rose quartz gems and fill your house with poppy and holly flowers. Donate to a charity or give some unused clothes to the Salvation Army. Next time you want to criticize someone, try to give them positive feedback instead and remind yourself to love them. If you feel jealous or paranoid, try deep breathing technique and press your palms together to stimulate energy flow between them, which links back to the heart chakra. Some mantras to practice daily:

"I do not need others to be happy, but I am thankful for the love that others bring to my life."
"I will think about each action I take and make sure it leads to peace."
"I love those around me."
"I am strong and I respect myself and others."

Book Review

2011-05-17T12:23:00.008-04:00

I recently finished reading "Love Begins in Winter," a collection of five short stories by Simon Van Booy. I really enjoyed the author’s writing style, with short choppy sentences broken by one twisting, long one with semicolons. Lots of similes and metaphors and strange contrasts. It read very poetically with a strong sense of rhythm. I liked his portrayal of characters, how each of them had some kind of darkness beneath their surface. Each story weaved together threads of parents, children, guilt, and hope to form a mosaic that, when viewed from afar once finished with the book, really showed the intensity and power of love to change a person.

Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5

Excerpts:

(12): “They will only be my parents once. They are the only parents I will ever have in the history of the universe. I wonder if they feel me thinking about them here in Quebec City in the rain – I wonder if they feel me like a small animal gnawing at them affectionately.”

(48): “From my pocket I took a large stone and set it squarely in his open hand. If there is such a thing as marriage, it takes place long before the ceremony: in a car on the way to the airport; or as a gray bedroom fills with dawn, one lover watching the other; or as two strangers stand together in the rain with no bus in sight, arms weighed down with shopping bags. You don’t know then. But later you realize – that was the moment."

Nightmare

2011-05-16T08:46:00.000-04:00

when we fall asleep, the blankets swaddle our bodies into a single form, like cotton candy around a swirled paper tube. together, we are a multi-limb monstrosity. we are happy. but the sweat leaks out from our shoulders, our stomachs, and the soles of our feet. droplet by droplet, we unravel. you are the water and i am the vinegar and slowly we slip away from each other, eyelids flickering with dreams we won't recall. when we wake, we scrabble across the emptiness and clutch each other to our chests. we grasp and clutch and kiss and murmur and hold and clasp and clutch and promise to never let go.

Creating a Charlotte Russe Community

2011-05-14T17:08:00.002-04:00

I can't deny that I like to shop. Some of my favorite excursions are the ones I take with my mom to the mall or into Manhattan to look for new dresses, sandals, or lingerie. Charlotte Russe, a retail store targeting teenage girls and young women, is always one of our first stops. The clothes there tend to be tight and flirty, but never reveal too much. The brand's style is similar to that of Forever 21 and Wet Seal: trendy, modern, and inexpensive yet chic. In addition, Charlotte Russe stores often offer money-saving deals, such as the current offer for a free pant with any $20 purchase.

Recently, I learned about a Charlotte Russe fan site, which is currently in development and looking for suggestions on design. If I were designing the fan site, I would focus mostly on creating a community for supporters of the brand. I would have multiple pages on the site, each serving a different purpose. For example, I'd design one page that provided fans with updates on the brand: newest styles, which celebrities are wearing those styles, and what deals are going on and coming up at the stores. Another page could feature a comment space, where supports can post their thoughts and ideas. Yet another page could perhaps give fans a way to meet fans who also go to their favorite stores.

In this way, the Charlotte Brand fan site wouldn't only create an online community; it would bring together supports of the brand in person. And those people would tell others, who would tell others, until the Charlotte Russe fan site became nearly as influential as the brand it promotes.

Direct link to the site: http://charlotterusse.org/

Photo Post

2011-05-12T16:31:00.001-04:00

I haven't gotten a chance to take many photos so far during the month of May, but here's a few that I have taken. These photos are of my boyfriend, Todd, playing drums with his band Friday's Nightmare. He's been playing drums for about five years. You can download his band's demo here. They soon plan to record a "much higher quality, less shitty one," according to Todd, so once that happens, I'll be sure to post it.

Solar Plexus Chakra

2011-05-11T16:30:00.000-04:00

Photo: Oracle and Tarot Goddess Blog

The third chakra is called Manipura in Sanskrit and is located a few inches above the navel. It is best represented by the color yellow and is symbolized by a lotus flower with 10 petals. Also known as the solar plexus chakra, it governs the liver, the stomach and the intestines.

When balanced, the sacral chakra helps to strengthen our discipline and self-control, as well as keep our egos in check. An open third chakra will make us feel organized and at ease, both with ourselves, others, and the world around us. But when this chakra is blocked, we become manipulative and egotistical, believing that we are superior to everyone else. We may have difficulty concentrating or completing tasks, and as a result of a sluggish mental state, we may make poor decisions.

In order to open and balance this chakra, try yoga breathing techniques. Breathe from your diaphragm, not from your stomach. With each deep breath, try to get in touch with your feelings. Consider peppermint or lemon grass scents and oils, or start carrying around topaz or tiger's eye gems. Try belly dancing or exploring in the warmth of the sun to give yourself a sense of renewed freedom.

Most importantly, we must try to release our emotions. Stop holding in your anger or your sadness; let it all pour through you and out of you. Don't be afraid to show happiness or love, and don't let fear hold you back. Of course, this isn't easy and takes a lot of work, so try some positive affirmations, such as:

"I will feel everything and express my feelings honestly.."
"I am open to learning new things."
"I know that I can do whatever I set my mind to."

Song of the Day

2011-05-10T16:05:00.001-04:00

American Idol season 9 winner Lee Dewyze with his most popular single. Todd and I are going to see him in concert on June 29! I can't wait!

Song of the Day

2011-05-03T08:16:00.000-04:00

Here's a short little song called "Writing a Letter" by Smoking Popes. Todd and I are going to see them in concert on Thursday and I'm really excited because they're one of the first bands he introduced to me when we first starting getting to know each other.

First Signs of Spring

2011-05-02T08:11:00.002-04:00

We picked white dandelions

and made wishes on the seeds,
blowing to scatter them in the wind.

I blew, and blew, but still some

refused to fly from the stem, so I

hit the flower until they fell off.

Would my wish still come true?

I smiled and looked at you.

Song of the Day

2011-04-28T14:43:00.001-04:00

"Little Talks" by Icelandic band Of Monsters and Men:

Neon Trees!

2011-04-21T07:29:00.000-04:00

Week In Photos

2011-04-16T08:31:00.000-04:00

I didn't get a chance to write much last week, so here's some photos instead:

Pineapple chicken that I made with my good friend Beyza. I'll post links to this recipe soon; it was really delicious!

I enjoyed a relaxing day with Todd in a Staten Island park before he left for Las Vegas on vacation. He comes back on Thursday night; I can't wait to see him again!

While taking advantage of nice weather in Manhattan, Beyza and I came up a wall of water with a cool glass-protected walkway.

Beyza and I admired the blooming tulips in Rockefeller center before checking out the LEGO store and the MET museum store (one of my favorites; I love Tiffany merchandise).

This bear-lamp art exhibit by Urs Fischer was just lounging around on 52nd street. It will be auctioned off by Christie's in May. I want one!

Sacral Chakra

2011-04-13T07:59:00.000-04:00

Photo from: Purengery Vibrational Healing

The second chakra, called Svadisthana or Swadhisthana in Sanskrit, is also known as the "sacral chakra" because of it's location in the sacrum, the large triangle-shaped bone at the base of the spine and upper back part of the pelvis. It is symbolized by an orange lotus with six petals and governs the sexual organs, the kidneys, the liver, and adrenal glands. It helps inspire our creativity and gives us the strength to see our relationships clearly.

When the sacral chakra is balanced and open, we feel creative and mentally "awake." It gives us a drive to achieve what we want in live and helps us let go of objects, ideas, and relationships that are detrimental to our well-being. In those relationships we do keep, the sacral chakra helps us keep them balanced and equal. Given it's dominance over the reproductive organs, a balanced sacral chakra can also lead to more fulfilling sex. When the sacral chakra is blocked, however, we can suffer physically from stomach pains and sexual diseases. Emotionally, a blocked sacral chakra can lead to either breakdowns and frequent, overly dramatic outbursts or a sense of listlessness and apathy.

If you want to work to balance your sacral chakra, try wearing orange or lighting candles that have lavender and sage scents. If you think your chakra needs to be opened further, try bolder scents like ylang-ylang, grapefruit, or patchouli (one of my favorites). Use carnelian gems to garner emotional health and balance. With this chakra, the key is to learn to love yourself in order to build your relationships with others and gain a sense of confidence that is neither inflated or malnourished.

Some key mantras to repeat are:

"I am creative and bold."
"I love and approve of myself and my actions."
"I only need what is inside of me."
"I trust that life will work out."

Song of the Day

2011-04-05T08:29:00.001-04:00

Here's an old favorite.
The Weakerthans - Pamphleteer
S

to the black

2011-04-04T08:43:00.000-04:00

      at the end of it all the sky stung like obsidian but
      we blasted up into the universe and built ourselves a home
      out of star bits with a moat created from the dregs of a black hole
    and we thanked all the gods we could name that we hadn't died alone

Root Chakra

2011-03-30T08:11:00.001-04:00

Photo from Spiritual Healing Portal

The first chakra, also known as the "root" or "base" chakra because of its location at the base of the spinal cord, is called Muladhara in Sanskrit. With four petals on its lotus symbol, the root chakra governs the physical aspects of the body. It helps us to properly ground ourselves and it inspires practicality and a love of life. The root chakra is associated with the color red, a good thing to remember if you (like me) are into color therapy.

When the root chakra is balanced and open, we feel receptive to others and we take good care of our minds and bodies. When the root chakra doesn't receive enough energy or stimulation, we feel doubtful, listless, and unworthy of love. In a relationship, we are clingy and possessive. This chakra is linked to lower back pain, gynecological problems and a weakened immune system.

So how do we open, or balance, our root chakra? For aroma therapy relief, try burning sandalwood or patchouli candles. For color therapy, try to add a little bit of red to your outfit each day. For gem and crystal healing, try carrying around a ruby, red jasper, or obsidian. The key is to focus on activities that help ground and center: cleaning, planning schedules, and gardening are some good examples. Walk barefoot to help bring yourself closer to the earth.

If that doesn't sound very fun, you can try mantra repetition. Maybe you won't believe in the mantra when you first start, and that's okay. As you speak aloud the mantra several times each day, try a little more to believe it with each repetition. Some key affirmations for the root chakra are:

"I am here." (Physically, mentally, emotionally, and in the sense that you want to be here)
"I love life."
"I am open to the spirit of life."
"I am a part of the earth."

Song of the Day

2011-03-29T09:12:00.001-04:00

Christopher Paul Stelling
"The Museum Vs. Jesus"

the burden of showing people who they really are

2011-03-28T23:07:00.002-04:00

i see myself in an owl
with pink felt fur and flower eyes

and tiny hearts etched into

the backs

of his ears and on his belly,

charcoal squiggle lines

he presses his orange wings tight

to his downy chest, his beak dipped and round
like the top half of an exclamation point

he carries a mirror

buried in his spine

Inspiring Each Other

2011-03-24T08:15:00.002-04:00

After reading a copy of my self-published poetry book, An Unfamiliar Ache, one of my old high school friends Daisy Tan made this drawing to keep on her wall to represent her renewed vigor for life. To me, the poem represents longing and loving someone (Todd, in my case) with so much honesty and fervor that you hope they'll stay with you for as long as possible, since neither of you can live forever.

When Daisy sent me this drawing, though, I thought about the poem in a new way. We don't only have romantic soul mates; our lives are intertwined with the energy threads of everyone around us, especially the friends we make and choose to open our thoughts and hearts to. And in that sense, too, I hope that I can create lasting friendships that will never die. As Daisy wrote to me, "Whether it be to a person or to a cause, let us live passionately."

And I think living passionately is the most important thing we can ever do with our lives.

(Side Note: Please purchase my poetry book if you can spare the funds! Or, if you want a signed copy, contact me directly at chris.doka@gmail.com and I'd be happy to arrange something with you!)

Chakras

2011-03-23T11:27:00.003-04:00

Since Wednesdays are supposed to be my New Age posting days, I've decided I'm going to start a Wednesday chakra series. I'll introduce you to chakras and, over the next few weeks, give you a little bit of information about each one. I know a lot of readers are probably going to be skeptical about chakras, but give these posts a chance anyway and, even if you don't believe in them, hopefully you can at least learn something about them.

Photo from: http://www.seeingthelight.org/?tag=chakras

The word "chakra" comes from the Sanskrit word for "wheel" or "disk," representing the supposed shape of the six energy centers of the body, located in the spinal column and branching out from there. Each chakra, represented by a different color, manages a different type of energy - physical, emotional, mental. New Age practitioners believe that the chakras can be "balanced" so that they are all spinning in the same direction at the same time. When a chakra becomes imbalanced, physical symptoms begin to manifest from the inner energy turmoil.

Song of the Day

2011-03-22T07:18:00.000-04:00

Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch.

Website Review : Test

2011-03-21T08:17:00.001-04:00

I've recently become aware of a website that gathers together links for different kinds of tests and information about them, ranging from the Myers Briggs personality test and computer firewall testing to questions about pregnancy tests and when one should take them. The idea of the website is a good one; a collection of test links is a good resource for any person to have, and especially for someone like me who is addicted to taking online quizzes (especially compatibility tests and the ones that are like which type of fairy would you be if you were living in a fantasy realm?). In execution, however, the site leaves much to be desired.

I like the simplicity of the site, beginning with it's title "Test" and the small side description stating "Test Information." At the outset, the viewer isn't overloaded with too much information and there isn't any self-promotion that's going into the website. To me, that's important. When a website focuses too much on self promotion and not enough on content, it's a definite turnoff. Although the graphic beneath the title - a man walking along an empty road - doesn't directly relate to testing, it works in this context because it creates a subtle statement of every person's individual search to answer questions about themselves and their lives, which is exactly what all of these tests supposedly help with.

After the graphic, though, the entire site loses the effectual and simple approach that drew me to it. All of the different types of tests are listed below in 25 rows, each containing roughly two to four different types of tests. Each type is a link, and when you click on it, you're taken to another list of links, these more specific for the type of test you've chosen. Although there's some semblance of categorization among them, it takes too much scrolling to find exactly what you're looking for and too much repetition among the entries. For example, the words "personality test" appear more than 5 times in different places. In my eyes, this takes away from the legitimacy that the site has thus far garnered.

This resource, which could be incredibly useful, would greatly benefit from increased organization, perhaps forming concrete lists for each test. Under "Speed Tests," for example, the creators could list the different types of speed tests, such as internet connection speed or typing speed. Information about each kind of test would also be useful, in order to capture the interest of a casual browser who isn't looking for anything in particular, but only looking for a link that seems worth clicking. And with some modification, "Test" would definitely be a link worth clicking.

Link: http://testpi.com/

Spring Tanka

2011-03-21T07:53:00.002-04:00

Lately I've been trying to experiment with the English-language version of the 5-7-5-7-7 Japanese tanka. In the first two lines, the aim of the tanka is to describe an experience and its image in concrete terms. In the following three lines, the goal is to portray the feelings and thoughts of that moment. Although the English-language tanka can break the syllable count, I'm going to try to stick to it in my attempts and use it as a starting point for today's attempt:

my boyfriend's arms wrap
around the budding elm tree
   that passion will last
     through all our days together
     at least, i really hope so

Song of the Day

2011-03-15T17:48:00.003-04:00

Noah & The Whale - "L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N."

I'm going to see this band in concert on March 22nd with Todd; I'm expecting that it'll be a fun time. I'll post a review of it here afterward and share the experience. I think all of their songs have important messages, not always spelled out as simply as this one. But this one, in particular, makes me feel alright about my life, which has been turned a little bit upside down lately. It reminds me that something will always happen next if you just let go. And I think letting go is a lesson that everyone has to learn sometime.

Writing Short Stories

2011-03-14T21:19:00.000-04:00

I used to abhor short story writing; there weren't enough plots and subplots and the page limit filled me with anxiety. But recently, I've decided to try my hand at writing some short stories, and although I've only got one or two so far, I'm going to persist with it. If you have any tips on writing short stories to share with me, please leave me some comments!

For now, I'll post the first paragraph of a short story I recently wrote to whet your appetite:

"The road wasn’t on the map but Gale Kringlebot, of the wealthy Manhattan Kringlebots, walked along its dusty, bumpy spine. His brown cowboy boots jangled loudly - a result of the gleaming silver spurs on their heels - and bit into his pinky toes. His normal New York stride slowed to a wincing teeter as he tried to walk on the inside arches of his feet to take the pressure off his last little toes. The nostalgia that constantly ricocheted around in his chest hit especially hard as he thought about the black alligator-skin shoes he would be slipping on right now if he were back in the city, instead of here, in the middle-of-nowhere Nevada. As he stumbled over a rock camouflaged by the dusty red dirt swirling up around him, Gale nearly cursed – “Son-of-a-!” - and vowed to talk to his father about the ill-fitting boots; his father would see to it that the shoemaker’s reputation plummeted like the stocks he was currently advising investors to hoard up fast, before they took to the rebound."

lifecycle

2011-03-07T20:37:00.006-05:00

the staircase of the old house groaned when the elderly inhabitant passed
over its threadbare carpet smelling of lemon juice and licorice sticks
it watched her feet as it always did
her toes now trembling in her blue slippers the way they
wobbled tiny and pink with a baby's first steps or when
she broke three metatarsals in her foot
her usual dancer's step fractured
like the panes of a Tiffany stained glass window
her footstep pattern sunk into each stair
the grooves of her grip on the banister
marked time more accurately than than the tree rings
of the giant redwood
sanded after being stripped after being carried out
after being hacked down in the forest
that the staircase can no longer even vaguely recall
its only memories are not its own
the stickiness of childhood tears
now a mere occasional creak
the swish of a companion footfall
now faded to a whiff of salt and antiseptics
and when the aged slipper stops teetering along the ridges of its spine
the staircase will wait
for the scents buried in the wood to hush
with the neighborhood's renovation and gentrification
the staircase will cling to its memories but will forget
a little more of its life with each passing year
until it is redefined by gleaming metal teeth
and machines in a factory that have now replaced the men
whose hands first gave the wood its meaning
perhaps those men would have thought twice
if they had known the loneliness of living forever

Weekend Roundup

2011-03-07T19:50:00.000-05:00

Check out some photos from the restaurant "Butter," where Todd took me for a belated birthday dinner. It was probably the nicest place I've been taken, and the entire meal was incredibly delicious!

barren

2011-03-03T14:02:00.001-05:00

a stained glass window pane
of blue-pink forget-me-nots
and a cryptic dedication inside
a book only 11 people bought

some plastic-swaddled poetry
buried on a closet's top shelf
and a glowing snowflake that
is starting to lose its shine --

     like little ghosts in a town of silver we flee
     and abandon each other to a lifetime being chased
     by memories that continually chomp away our paths
   until we're left spinning in circles, no hands no heads no mouths
     just words hanging in the air
     we shouldn't have done that

Song of the Day

2011-03-02T08:36:00.000-05:00

Since I didn't post yesterday on Entertainment Tuesday, I'll just recommend a song today instead. You've probably heard (by now) Mumford and Sons on the radio, since they've been getting some play for their song "Little Lion Man." But here's another of theirs that I like just as well, if not better:

"Dustbowl Dance" by Mumford and Sons

Writing Woes

2011-03-02T08:32:00.000-05:00

There are plus and minus sides to every story, I suppose. And life is just as much a story as any other. So here are my plus and minus sides.

PLUS: My family and friends love and accept me. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I am employed part-time and making some money. I have applied to graduate school creative writing programs and am trying to pursue a path that makes me happy.

MINUS: I've already been rejected from one of the four graduate school programs I applied to, and it wasn't even one of the tougher ones to get into. I can't get it together enough to write poetry lately. I'm low on time and inspiration, and I might not have anything to read for Friday's monthly poetry open mic.

I guess I should go try and write something instead of lamenting about it on my blog, huh?

My Birthday Wish

2011-02-27T22:26:00.002-05:00

Forever.

Weekend Roundup: Birthday Pics!

2011-02-27T22:25:00.000-05:00

This weekend was my birthday! Here's some pictures of the celebrations.

David Gray

2011-02-23T08:54:00.000-05:00

And here's the article I wrote on David Gray:

Plain White T's

2011-02-23T08:48:00.001-05:00

Unfortunately I somehow got sick again; not food poisoning this time but more of a fever/cough/nausea sickness. I'll try to update again by tomorrow or Friday, but for now, here's an article I wrote on The Plain White T's for amNewYork newspaper. Later I'll post the one I wrote on David Gray.

KARMA

2011-02-17T09:53:00.002-05:00

I'm reading actor Russell Brand's memoir, My Booky Wook, right now. And in one of the chapters, he tells a story about instant karma. In this particular story (as in many of his stories), he was in the midst of a sexual encounter with a woman and she "finished" him, but he didn't "finish" her. Rather, he wandered off to look for drugs. So, the woman got angry, as any woman would, and slapped him and walked out. Naked and now angry as well, he followed her outside and spat in her face. As he was spitting, the door closed and locked behind him and her phone ran out of minutes before he could call a locksmith. So there he was, trapped outside of his flat, with only a pink umbrella to shield his genitals.

I've never had an instance of instant karma quite as brutal as that. In my life, karma tends to build up for all of the things I've done wrong, and then whack me over the head just when I'm getting comfortable in a situation. Every time it hits, I make another promise to start behaving more responsibly (even though I am pretty responsible to begin with), usually in the realm of relationships. For every person I've done something horrible to in a relationship, I've had a karmic response. I think / hope that this time around, I've paid my dues for everything I've done in my past and so my relationship with Todd is safe from lurking karma debts. Plus, I think we've got a connection that would be stronger than anything karma can throw my way.

Despite my not-always-pleasant relationship with karma, I'm realizing more and more that it's not something with which I should attempt to bargain. It's not about saying, "Well, if I don't snap at my mom right now, I'm safe and karma won't cause me to get food poisoning from eating bad sushi, which would then prohibit us from going shopping as planned." Because thinking like that sort of takes the genuineness out of it. Whether or not karma exists, I want to try to do good things just because it will make people happy. I want to be a better person just because I can, not because I have to. Because if every single person focused on doing good things, maybe the world would be a better place. And I can't rightly preach that others should focus on it if I'm not doing the same myself.

Song of the Day

2011-02-15T22:49:00.000-05:00

"ALL THE TREES OF THE FIELD WILL CLAP THEIR HANDS" by Sufjan Stevens

Cupcakes!

2011-02-14T13:13:00.000-05:00

My mom and I baked some cupcakes for Valentine's Day!

Which is your favorite?

Valentine's Day Writings

2011-02-14T13:08:00.000-05:00

LOVE

Not for roses nor candy nor gifts would I love him,

but for his sincere smile?

Always.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my sort of thing
in the summer i go to this little beach
there's usually maybe one or two old guys
fishing and if the tide is low there's this rock
that i sit on a ways out on the beach
and i write in my journal
poetry short stories
thoughts and feelings
that sort of thing
and last time i went there was a few days
after i met him and i barely wrote a word
because all i could do was sit and stare
at the sea and pretend we were together
holdings hands kissing
staring touching loving
that sort of thing

Weekend Roundup: Pre-Valentine's Day!

2011-02-13T13:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I received a card in the mail from Todd, despite the fact that I see him at least twice a week and talk to him every day nearly constantly. It was a purple note card with cupcakes on it, and it was a Valentine's Day card. Inside, he wrote me a really sweet love letter, which made me incredibly happy. While I was reading it, however, he expressed doubt that Valentine's Day with him would be able to live up to my past Valentine's Days.

Which led me to thinking about my past Valentine's Days, which made me realize that I do not remember them. I don't remember my boyfriend last year doing anything special for me, or even really appreciating the fact that I had worked really hard on making a box/collage for him. And that made me even more thankful that this year I have a boyfriend who really appreciates me and the things I do for him (after I give him his gifts, I'll show you what I made). I have a boyfriend who actually listens to me when I say things like, "I wish I had a pen pal so that I could get letters!" I have a boyfriend who genuinely cares about making me happy and who I genuinely want to make as happy as I possibly can.

Sure, sometimes we disagree on things. Sometimes we get into petty spats. Sometimes we just operate on completely different wavelengths and misunderstand each other. But the main thing is that we are able to resolve anything that momentarily comes between us because we really care about the other. This Valentine's Day, I realize more than ever that it isn't about what gifts you make or what candy you buy or receive, but about the way you treat the person you love on a daily basis and the way that they treat you.

It's about appreciating the person who loves you and letting them know.
(I love you Todd. Thank you for always doing your best to make me happy.)

Our Poetry

2011-02-07T23:26:00.001-05:00

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Penpals by Post

2011-02-07T14:04:00.000-05:00

I've been wondering lately, does anyone send letters by regular post anymore?

When I was younger, I used to have a penpal in Arkansas, a penpal in Utah, and a penpal in Europe. Although we've since lost touch, I miss that anticipation of waiting for a letter and checking the mail every day to see if you've received it. I miss the opportunity to see the world through the eyes of someone who doesn't live in the same city as me, who encounters different experiences and people than I probably ever will.

If anyone has any tips on how to find a snail mail penpal, or is also looking for a penpal, let me know!

Poetry

2011-02-07T08:08:00.002-05:00

when a homeless man walked into starbucks

every patron turned away
as though he were offering
them dunkin donuts coffee
instead of their venti chai
extra foam skim lattes.

i knew you were the one

when i forgot that i was even
searching for anyone at all.

map of the world

he wasn't much of a traveler
but he knew the exact path of the tiny hairs
she always forgot to shave behind her knees
and he could give perfect directions
on how to kiss in a straight line starting
at the very tip of her head and ending
at the callouses on her heel, worn from trips
in flip flops with purple-painted toenails
and if anyone asked, don't you want to see the world?
he would reply, why?
i can see the sahara on her stomach
and the rain forests in her hair
her smile is the city of lovers
her breath is the cool chill of the arctic
her words are as sultry as brazilian women
i learned a foreign language in her palm lines
and i don't need to see anything more to know that
here is where i always want to be

Weekend Roundup: Food Photo Post

2011-02-06T13:44:00.001-05:00

I love everything about food, from the way it looks and tastes to cooking and eating it. I love both home-cooked food and restaurant meals, and I absolutely love taking pictures of food. This weekend, I had ample opportunity to take food pictures. On Friday night, Todd and I went to Wo Hop, a hole-in-the-wall Chinese place in Chinatown that makes delicious lo mein and crispy noodles. Saturday morning, we celebrated our five-month anniversary by gong to Ihop, my favorite breakfast eatery.

Here are some mouth-watering photos from our trips:

First up was pineapple chicken, baked and breaded with an exterior that managed to be crispy yet fluffy at the same time.

Next we had crispy honey beef, which came in six large portions. I could only eat two slices because it was so filling, but I wish I could have eaten more because it was so delicious.

The final Chinese dish was classic beef lo mein, which tasted even better with a touch of soy sauce.

I'm not sure if all Ihop restaurants carry the same things, but I really recommended their new flavored coffee. This is the raspberry mocha, but Todd had French vanilla and that was really good too.

Todd had the country fried steak with sausage, eggs and hash browns.

It also came with chocolate chip chocolate batter pancakes and extra whipped cream.

I tried to get something healthier than the cheesecake pancakes I usually get, so I got strawberry banana pancakes instead and I think I actually prefer them to my usual!

Model-Making

2011-02-03T08:50:00.000-05:00

Around this time last year, I worked on a Warhammer wood elf army. I built it from the bottom up - literally - starting with the base and then assembling each soldier atop it, deciding which arms would go with which torso, which head and hair combination fit that archer most adequately. The next step, always my favorite, was painting the tiny models with thin brushes and colorful paints. I never finished my army, but I'd like to start a new one some day.

I was reminded of my model work today while browsing for Night Fury plush toys from the spectacular animated film, How To Train Your Dragon, and came across a really awesome custom Night Fury model, created from a blank Stitch, experiment 626 model. Visit the artist's tumblr blog to see his steps in creating the model and read some interesting trivia about the movie.

Photo & Model by Somatic Studios / Michael Amos

I've managed to restrain myself until the end of this post, but now I have to let loose my real response to this custom model : AHHH IT'S SO CUTE!!!! I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!!!!!!

Color Healing with Candles

2011-02-02T09:25:00.003-05:00

If you think you like candles, you haven't met my mom. She lights five candles in the kitchen at the same time, to the point where you can't distinguish one smell from another. Growing up with that, I've developed a fondness for candles. But, unlike my mom, I only light one at a time so that I can really bask in the scent that I've chosen. Sometimes, though, I don't choose by scent, but by color.

One of my favorite metaphysical books is How to Heal With Color by Ted Andrews. In it, he explains how to use candles as a method of healing. The color of the candle, he purports, is released into the air as the wick burns. Before using the candle, he suggests "dressing" by rubbing olive oil on it in one direction, but if you don't want to do that, you can merely send a wave of positive energy in the direction of the candle, affirming that you will be using it for a healing purpose.

Here's a brief list from his book of ailments and which colors you should use to relieve them. If you aren't a fan of candles, you can also practice directing colorful energy through your hands onto the problem area:

Abdominal cramps: Yellow
Aches (ear): Turquoise
Aches (head): Blue / Green
Aches (muscle): Light Orange
Arthritis: Violet or Blue Violet
Blisters: Ice Blue
Fevers: Blue
Indigestion: Yellow
Nausea: Ice Blue
Rash: Yellow and Turquoise
Swelling: Ice Blue
Ulcers: Green

I wish I had remembered this list two weeks ago, when I was suffering from a case of Shingles! I love color healing, but I have to confess that I do often forget to practice it. I'll start trying to do it more regularly and let you know if I have any results.

For now, though, since I don't have any candles that aren't brown or black, I'll just be satisfied with my Maple Pancakes-scented candle.

Literary Lists

2011-02-01T18:50:00.004-05:00

I've been keeping tabs on Penguin Books USA through Twitter lately -- and not just because I really, really, really want to work or intern there. There are some pretty interesting posts about up and coming authors, interviews, and (obviously) books. And I just read that Penguin has released a list of the top 10, reader-chosen must-read classic books.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm skeptical as to why the classics are classics. The writing is typically dense and inaccessible and the stories tend to revolve around mundane daily matters. I've read books like Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, and Romeo and Juliet (all of which are on the reader-chosen list), and I just don't get what's so overwhelmingly great about them. I'd take a modern, experimental read like Shane Jones' simultaneously whimsical and somber novel, Light Boxes, over the classics any day.

Then again, I did enjoy Little Women (on the list, thankfully) a lot when I was younger, so maybe I'm just erecting a double standard here. I checked last year's list, not chosen by readers, which included Thoreau's Walden and Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, two books I did enjoy. I'm sad to see that no one thought to include A Separate Peace by John Knowles, which everyone knows is one of my favorite and most-referenced books of all time.

What do you think about the reader-created list? I'm tempted to make my own list of top ten not-just-classics that every person should read, so maybe I'll ruminate on that and get back to you with it.

Poems & Lists

2011-01-31T09:04:00.008-05:00

The Art of Relationships

on our list of things to do together
the most important item remains
an unwritten glow, bouncing
between our ribs and spines
---------------------------------------------------

We do really have a list of things to do together. It includes:

Go apple picking.
Bake rainbow cookies.
Go to a Weakerthans concert.
See the abandoned City Hall station.
Read e.e. cummings and Ferlinghetti.
Eat Thai noodles for the hundredth time.
Eat creme desserts at the Hungarian bakery.
Eat salmon over coconut rice while touching each other.
Lay together on an uninhabited island in the ocean and the sand.
Watch flying lanterns from a boat and give birth to a baby dragon.

Numb

2011-01-31T08:53:00.001-05:00

We sit with his head in my lap. The wind sends snow careening down from the pines. It speckles his hair like dandruff, or bits of salt scattered to ward off evil spirits. We are the only two people in the park, dark silhouettes against the backdrop of baseball diamond lights. The game was canceled, due to the early and unexpected storm. We waded through snow up to our knees to get here, to sit on this particular hill under this particular tree. We sit with his head in my lap and I stroke his hair and brush out little flakes of white dust. He buries his face into my thighs and I squeeze. My fingernails are three shades of blue as I shake his shoulder and say, We should probably go home. He holds up two fingers; he requests two more minutes of sitting here shivering. I say, Please. I'm thinking about how they'll find us in the morning, stiff and intimate, his head in my lap, begging nakedness and warmth. I'm thinking that I should go, now, alone if he won't come with me. He says, We are learning to feel without our bodies. We sit with his head in my lap and I lick the thickening clumps of snow from his hair and swallow them whole.

Weekend Roundup!

2011-01-30T21:55:00.000-05:00

Spring is in the 32 degree air... at least in the store at the mall.

Todd and I went shopping today with my parents to look for a dress for me to wear to my cousin's wedding in March. (More about this later; I've never been to a wedding before except once when I was a flower girl and I don't even remember that). Anyway, nearly every store had some leftover end of the season sales and most shops boasted new summer-ready short shorts and tank tops, even though February hasn't even hit us yet. It really made me miss the warm weather!

On the plus side, we all ate at Johnny Rockets and I had a delicious oreo shake. On the minus side, I treated everyone to dinner and am now less $60. But at least we had a good time, and I guess that's what matters.


(Before consuming a burger, cheese fries and a shake. No wonder my arms are getting fat haha)

GRE Website Review

2011-01-27T11:07:00.005-05:00

After weeks of study, I recently took the GRE exam, which is the exam you have to take in order to try and apply to most graduate school programs, for anyone who isn't familiar with it. I'm trying to get my Masters in Creative Writing, and although only one (New York University) of the four (Brooklyn College, The New School, Columbia University) schools I applied to required the GRE, I still had to pay about $115 and take the GRE test.

The other day I came across this GRE prep site, GRE Prep Book, run by 3 UC Berkley graduate students. Like many of the GRE prep sites I frequented while studying for the exam, this website is simple, without much flash or pomp. While that adds to easy navigation and user friendliness, I found that there is a bit of repetition between the side links and the bottom links on the homepage. The site's plain appearance takes away from - for lack of better words - it's potential for seduction. Call me shallow, but a website's appearance is a major factor in whether or not I decide to peruse through it's pages and with the GRE Prep Book website, I don't get that little tingle of excitement that tells me: this is a well-run, well-kept, and more than quasi-official website.

I decided to browse the site anyway, and discovered that the material on the site - and there is a ton of it - is actually really helpful if you're looking for practice questions. There isn't too much instruction on how to answer the questions, but there are a fair amount of questions to answer and a lot of word lists, giving examples of antonyms and synonyms and word pairs. Although I think this would not be helpful to someone looking for lots of instruction, it would have been helpful to someone like me, just looking to do practice questions and go over some vocabulary. It would have been even more helpful if they had pointed out high frequency words and questions most likely to be seen on the GRE exam itself.

Link: http://greprepbook.org

LUSH

2011-01-26T12:17:00.003-05:00

I used to hate baths.

And to an extent, I'm still not the biggest fan of them. You sit in water that goes from lukewarm to tepid. You're afraid to read because you might drop your book into the water and then it'll be ruined. Your bathtub drains while you're in it even though you've switched up the stopper...

Or maybe that's just me and my faulty tub.

Anyway, although I'm still not at that point where I want to take baths all the time, they've become much more appealing ever since my best friend introduced me to Lush, where they sell handmade cosmetics, especially bath melts and bath bombs. Both dissolve in the bath water and infuse it with fragrances (which can range from soothing to sensual, depending on your mood and whether or not you're bathing alone) and minerals to make your skin soft and, well, luscious. Thus the name, I guess.

Whether you love or hate baths, you should give these products a try. But even I only buy them when I've got a gift card for the store, because I couldn't imagine spending $6 on a bath bomb or, even more expensive, $25 on some of their creams and lotions. So start hinting at what you want for Christmas early this year.

Here is a video someone posted on Youtube so that you can see how bath bombs work:

Oscar Nominations

2011-01-25T09:14:00.001-05:00

They released the full list of Oscar nominees early this morning. I have a few thoughts on it:

Best Picture: I really hope "The Social Network" wins this. Todd and I recently re-rented the movie, which we originally saw in theaters, but we haven't re-watched it yet. However, it is a smart film that really captures the attention and doesn't let it go. (The real test is whether or not it puts my mom to sleep, but she hasn't seen it yet).

Best Actor: I'm torn between Jesse Eisenberg for "The Social Network" and James Franco in "127 Hours." I think I"m leaning towards the latter. In the movie, James Franco portrays a climber who falls while leaping amongst caves. His arm gets caught under a huge boulder and he ultimately cannot get out, unless he decides to cut off his arm.

Best Actress: I'm hoping for Michelle Williams in "Blue Valentine." Although I don't know how I felt about the movie's ending, I did really like her performance. Then again, I like her in most things. And I may be partial to "Blue Valentine" because after Todd and I watched it, we re-declared that we wanted to be together forever, and that always makes me happy. So I think I'm biased.

Best Animated Feature: You know that "Toy Story 3" has probably got this one without question, but I really also enjoyed "How to Train Your Dragon," and I wish that had a chance to beat out the obvious favorite. (Although I do admit that "Toy Story 3" was really good and made me cry).

Those are just a few thoughts for now. I'll have more as the Oscars approach. Keep watch for them on February 27!

New 2011 Blog Schedule!

2011-01-25T08:58:00.000-05:00

After having to rewind and watch the ball drop twice on New Year's Eve because my dad's camera didn't record the first time, the New Year has kicked off to a great start. This first month has been a pretty constant stream of looking for jobs, doing a bit of writing, seeing friends and mostly just spending time with Todd before he heads back to school next week for the spring semester. It's been really great to see him nearly every day and to get to sleep in his arms. <3

And now that I've gotten time to settle into the new year, I've decided to concoct a new posting method that will ensure more regular posts and more regular commenting on the posts of the people on my blogroll (check them out). So, here's the plan:

Monday Creativity: I'll start off each week with a creative / writing post, maybe tips on writing or news about writing or bits of my own writing, like poems and short short stories.

Entertainment Tuesday: I'll post a short bit about music, movies, books, or video games that I'm into at the moment so that I can share those things with you.

New Age Wednesday: I want to get back into posting about things like color healing and gem healing and tarot cards and palm reading, so Wednesdays are going to be my day for that.

Random Thursday: On Thursdays I'll post about whatever I'm feeling at the moment, whether it's a personal post or a recipe or just a photo post giving you a feel for what's going on in my life.

Weekend Roundup: Just a little bit of news and information about what's been going on throughout the week, either in my personal life or in the world.

If you have any other suggestions about things you'd like to see added to one of these categories or posted on Thursdays, please comment and let me know!

Gifts

2010-12-31T08:46:00.008-05:00

After spending approximately 11 hours cleaning my room, I finally have a chance to upload some photos of Christmastime and some of the gifts I gave and received. Last year I blogged about making gifts for loved ones, and I've done that again this year. Now that they've finally received them, I can show you what I've made. I hope you enjoy this photo post and I hope everyone has a happy New Year's Eve. Remember, take with you only happiness into the new year.

Here's a photo of my Christmas tree at 7 a.m. Christmas morning, after I woke up my brother and my parents with my Linus plush that talks when you squeeze him.

"For behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. And on earth, peace, and good will towards men. That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

Above is the frame I created for Todd. Supplies: a plain undecorated frame, card-stock paper for the background, stickers, glue, a photograph. Also woodcut letters help, which is what I wrote our names with, and the top heart is also made of wood and painted. Below is the box I created for my parents. Supplies: a plain box, stickers for the lettering and top designs, ribbon for the center, and card-stock paper for the bottom. I put little envelopes on the inside with Christmas messages inside of them for both of my parents.

My dad is a master at decorating gifts. Using wrapped books and ribbon (and empty gold wrapping paper tubes), he created a Chococat sleigh out of all of my gifts. Isn't it awesome?

Todd got me a few awesome gifts; one of them was these custom Converse that he had designed to say "The Weakerthans" on them, the name of my favorite band, which I sort of introduced to him when we first started hanging out. I'm really excited to get a chance to wear them!

The best gift of all: