Block

I wanted to start work on a novel this morning, but I spent an entire hour and a half just staring at a blank page, unable to slip anything into that white space. Concentration isn't at a high right now. But what would I rather be doing instead? I want to dance around the hallways. I want to sing for freedom and for peace. I want to solve the world's biggest mystery. I just want something more epic that I've got right now, although I'm not sure what that is. Ever feel it? That nagging sensation at the tip of your brain, that makes you jiggle your leg in antsy impatience, and you aren't really sure why? With the taste of Early Grey tea lingering on my tongue, that's what I've got right now. And I wish I could write. Oh; I wish I could write.

Hungry for Hungary

It's almost been a month!! I can't figure out why I'm unable to stay on top of school this month, but I plan to start organizing my time better over the weekends. Who thought that finding a boyfriend (I know, I finally committed) would make time management this much harder? Not me, that's for sure. Although, finding a boyfriend was never part of the plan for this semester. But, that's life, always changing things up on you. And I admit, I love it. But as much as I love change, there are things I miss. Lately, I've really been missing Hungary - the fresh air, the billowing farmland, the city streets and colorful Budapest buildings. I miss ice cream with real,rich flavor. I miss stuttering in a language I'm scared I will never master. I even miss the small town - Szombathely (some-but-hey) - in which I stayed, where dogs barked whenever you walked down the street and there was absolutely nothing to do but walk around, breathe in the air and hang out with my 32-year-old cousin. Szombathely, located right near the Hungarian-Austrian boarder, was founded in 45 AD, making it the oldest city in Hungary. Originally, it acted as the capital of the Panonnia Superior province of the Roman Empire. It used to be a major center of Western Hungary, but no longer. The 1920 Treaty of Tianon, signed after WW2, took a great deal of land away from Hungary and dealt it out among neighboring countries. The population of Hungary decreased from 20.8 million to 7 million. Land area dropped by 72 percent. Many lands settled by Hungarians were lost, and these ethnic Hungarian haven't always been treated so well in the countries that gained possession of their land. I almost understand how they feel - that deep, inexplicable longing for a certain place you call "home". Although I'm only half Hungarian and I've never lived in Hungary, I always used to feel that aching in my soul, that longing for the place I'd never been. But now that I've been there, this tiny landlocked country calls to me all the more loudly. I miss the friendly people. I miss my family. I miss the Balaton, the largest lake in Central Europe and known as "Hungary's Ocean". I even miss the thermal baths that leave you stained and stinking for the rest of the day. And, being kind of hungry right now, I miss really miss eating langos - a fluffy, friend dough with garlic and possibly cheese and sour cream spread across the top. My stomach grumbles just thinking about it. My soul grumbles with desire to return to the country to which I belong, at least for part of my life. I can't wait until life changes again, and I go back home.

(Szombathely)

Thank God It's... Thursday??

You know how Monday is always the worst day of the week, and how Friday is always pretty decent because at least you know the weekend is coming? Well, today I'm going to share a little secret that makes me look forward to Thursdays each and ever week: Free Will Astrology! Every week writer and astrologist Rob Brezsney, in his nationally syndicated column, derives the future based on the 12 Zodiac signs. But these aren't just any old predictions -- they're quirky, and not always so straight forward. And, it's up to you to make them happen, because they're always suggests of things you should, or can, do. For example, my horoscope (Pisces) told me to lower the incarceration rate inside of myself. Sound confusing? Just check out the website, and I guarantee you'll be hooked. Happy Thursday!

Poem

Just wanted to share a poem that I am thinking of reading as one of my three poems at Barnes and Noble Friday night. Opinions and comments and suggestions are always more than welcome!! Prognosis and Prescription I can't clear my head; the thoughts spiral and pile atop themselves each one more bloated than the next, like parasites leeching each drop of life from the host organism, (I contemplate things) like a crow wheeling in the dusty sky, waiting to swoop in for the pickings. I imagine black feathers and bloody meat -- scrawny chicken legs and deer haunches [oh, the way they stand in the road, with their eyes transfixed and their nerves tensed taut tingling] Trembling as our words do the waltz [I think: one, two, three, four, turn slightly, box, one...] and our bodies sing too high-pitched to hear, (but can't dolphins listen to the radio shows of the sea vibrating on a roiling, crashing, foaming frequency akin to that of our heartbeats?) Our nerve endings screech like dying cats, or trains coming into stations on a curve, as though we had melted off our skin like candle wax and weaved the axons of our ganglia into dreadlocks. And my mind spatters its sky with stars (which really burnt-out a long time ago) and I can't control this barrage of thoughts any more than I can stop the spasms in my legs or the numbness creeping into my fingernails. [Here's a factoid - did you know that when the pleasure is too great people start to beg for pain, even if they have to create it themselves?] I think of class schedules and shopping malls. Of burials, and anonymous graves with rotting wood tombstones. Of bluegreen bacteria. Of cutlery. I force myself to concentrate on the sound of my own breath wheezing past tonsils [that had been removed a long time ago.] If I stop thinking, I run risks. I might black out pass out drop out and fail to wake up... [Is death when the heart stops pumping blood, or is death the cessation of consciousness?] ---Hopefully tomorrow will bring a better update!! Peace & Love

Your Opinions

While browsing through the Gadgets for this blog, I came across a poll feature, and decided that having a weekly poll might be a cool thing to do. I've added a poll to the top of this page, right above the posts (I'm sure you see it), so please feel free to answer it! This week, I decided a good question would be some self-analysis - what does my blog need? I think it needs a lot of things, like more posts, more interesting posts, more pictures (taken by me), and more friends!! In light of that last bit, it'd be helpful if you could subscribe to this blog if you read it or, if not, you could tell some people about it so that they could read it. In fact, one of those trackers that lets you know how many people have visited could be a useful tool. Time to go back to searching through Gadgets!! --- Update: I figured out the counter tracker, thanks to a link on the bottom of Imagining Mary, and now there's a cute little graphic tracker at the very bottom of this page. (Although I'm afraid that all of the hits are my own!!)

Highlights

I know, I know. It seems as though I'm always taking long vacations from this blog, lately. But with homework lurking around every corner and a million other things to do, I just can't seem to find the time to write! I decided to start exercising again, although it seems like I don't really have much time for that, either. The addition of a guy to my life makes everything that was already hectic even more difficult to deal with, although I guess I'd prefer him in my life than out of it. Anyway, rant over. Just wanted to offer up some explanation. Today, I'd just like to mention a few things before I go translate some Hungarian: 1. Heroes: Season 4 premieres tonight at 9pm on NBC! 2. It's Groundhog Day today -- will Phil the groundhog see his shadow? I hope not, because that would mean an early spring! (Although, how much stock should we put in whether an animal sees its shadow or not?) 3. Friday, February 6th, there is a poetry reading at 7:30 pm at the Barnes and Nobles on Sixth Avenue and Eighth Street (I hope I remembered my AP Style for that address!) -- feel free to drop by and read some of your own work, or just listen in to other people doing their thing! 4. With the approach of Valentine's Day, everyone (including me) is wondering what to get others for the holiday -- whether its for your significant other, your parents, your kids, or just your best friend. I'm trying to think of some nontraditional gifts this year, so any ideas would be helpful. When I think of some, I'll write up a post about it. And don't worry about being single on Valentine's Day -- I always liked being single better because it took away all of the pressure to get the right thing for your boyfriend or girlfriend. Instead, find someone else to give candy or a thoughtful card to; I bet they'll appreciate it! And who knows, maybe you'll be surprised and get a Valentine too!