27 February 2010

Celebrating with Snowmen

The last post was #100 on this blog! Yay! Go me! To celebrate, I will post pictures of the snowman my dad and I just built outside in our backyard. I don't like the cold or the snow, really, but I do like building snowmen. It was a good way to kick off my birthday weekend! Check it out:

26 February 2010


So today I realized that there's a Gogol Bordello concert coming up next month. It wasn't on their upcoming show list a week ago, but now... there it is! I'm pretty hyped, because the last Gogol Bordello concert I went to - back in December - was pretty sweet. The only downside is that it's $35, and I think Jbear is going to be too broke to go. And the only other person I'd really want to go with, I managed to completely push away to the point where we don't talk anymore. So. I don't know. Maybe I'll just go alone if I have to. Anyway, you should check out Gogol Bordello here, or listen to the embedded song below, which is one of my favorites, and then at least this post will have been of some use to you. ----- Current Mood: regretful

25 February 2010


five-speed and he’s going uphill. breathing through his mouth. tulips blooming along the side of the road and he doesn’t notice. boot prints in spring’s first mud. the traffic light changes; the air gets thick and musky with car fumes & honks & horns & the rattling of a beat up old mustang. he stops at the crosswalk. pedals cease centripital motion. i’m reclining on the grass on a blanket that smells like scented candles. naked and glistening, with sweat on my thighs. drunken bees dip into just-bloomed honeysuckle. gravel crackles under worn-out tires; road needs to be paved. shaved my head yesterday. wearing boots like i'm hardcore. grass blades stretch to touch his toned calves and he doesn’t even notice. i stare right at him. long nose. crooked smile. deep-set eye sockets, irises inky ocean blue. i want to touch his eyeball just to make sure. light changes again. re-mount and he’s zooming off through the crosswalk. tulip mouths suck in air after he passes. clouds come closer to earth. i’m dancing to a gypsy jig with a tambourine. what things people never have the time to see.

20 February 2010

The Light Within

The groin-vaulted ceiling looms over 600 feet above as I stand in the center of the nave of the Church of St. John the Divine in New York City. Every time the clouds shift outside, the rose window behind me and the immense stained glass windows to either side of me begin to glow, sprinkling red and blue light-glimmers on the walls and pillars of this Gothic revival church. St. John the Divine is an Episcopal church, and I'm a Catholic, but I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a Catholic over an Episcopal for any particular reason; I just am. So to me, a church is a church is a church, regardless of what denomination it is. Despite being Catholic, I tend to not even be such a great Catholic, and just believe that all gods are the same God. You know, a rose by any other name is still a rose. That kind of thing. Sitting on one of the nave's wooden, hard-backed chairs, I started thinking about being a Catholic, albeit not a great one. At least, I thought, I gave up candy for the 40 days of Lent. Then I thought, But I kind of only did that because I wanted an excuse to stop eating so much candy. Not really to praise or sacrifice for God. But what else could I do? So tI decided that I'm going to try to pray more, not formally or anything, just some acknowledgment thrown up high every once in a while. And maybe go to some kind of church. Although, honestly, it could be Buddhist or Jewish and I think I'd still feel like I was connecting with God. But I then realized that I don't believe we don't need churches and texts to find God. I think spiritual energy is in everything that surrounds us - the snow melting from the roof, the birds chirping outside by my air conditioner - and that God is inside each of us. We are all God.

Personal Rant

I need to just vent this for a second. I think it is so rude when you are texting someone and clearly having a conversation with them via text message, and then they just suddenly stop responding in the middle of the conversation. And finally you're just like, "Okay well I'm going to sleep I guess! Have a good night!" And they never even respond. You wake up in the morning hoping you got a nice text while you were asleep --- nothing. That's basically the higher tech equivalent of hanging up on someone. I can't stand it. End rant. ------ Mood: angsty

13 February 2010

Up the Chimney and Into the Sky

I'm listening to this band and I don't really like it and I'm looking at rooftops covered with melting snow and I'm some shade of gray not quite lone wolf but not quite shadow something more like chimney smoke or the smell of firewood and I'm over this band and I'm over this view and I am done with this color, so how about we let our smoky lips wisp together, then apart then together again, in some shade of cerulean with flecks of flamingo and a hint of ever after. --- Current mood:energized Current music: Shout Out Louds - Impossible

12 February 2010


Like rubbing your cheek against his stubble. Like writing poetry in Hungarian. Like correcting all of the mistakes you made. Like chopping onions layer by layer. Like glue sticking to your skin. Like curling against his body in the middle of the night. Like half-dreams, or ideal dreams, or nightmares. Like rubbing fabric between your fingers. It's like that. --------- current mood: dazed current music: Sigur Ros - Luvstory

11 February 2010

Valentine's Day

It's time again for that overly commercial holiday of roses and ugly teddy bears that no one would buy on any other day. If you're wondering what to do this Valentine's Day for someone special, I would suggest something personal, with meaning, and heartfelt. Actually, I probably suggested that last year too. One good tactic is to do a Google search for personalized gifts. You'll get a bunch of websites with cool, but way too expensive items, like a personalized picture frame, a love message in a bottle, a decorated mug, or things like this prescription for love. Now, if you don't have time to make something yourself, one of these personal ideas can be a pretty cool thing. But if you do have time, why not go to a craft store (I prefer Michael's), buy the necessary supplies, and make it yourself. I mean, how hard can it be to get an empty pill bottle, insert your sweetie's favorite candy, and print up and type our your own label? For Jbear, I decorated a book/box with a collage of pictures of us, and then I decorated the inside with some stickers, foam, ribbon, and paper cut-outs. It's not as fancy as something I could have bought, and there's some glue stains on the inside, but I know he'll like it because of all the work I put into it. Most of all, stop stressing. Your effort will be appreciated no matter what you do!! Here's some pics of what I did for my boyfriend: On the same note, Valentine's Day cards/letters are more things you can always make. Check out two of the cards I made: \

04 February 2010

My Life Story + Some Characters

Current Music: Motley Crue - Bitter Pill (yeah, it's on repeat) Current Mood: Getting sleepy February 29: I was born. I was a month early, and I think it's because I knew I had to be an overly dramatic, overly empathic, overly sensitive, overly romantic (but sometimes hides it) Pisces. Ages 1-2: I think I developed my love of stuffed animals. Age 3: I gained a brother. He was friendlier as a baby. Ages 4 to 6: Happy days at home making blanket tents and eating candy. Ages 6 to elementary school graduation: I was that weird, nerdy kid that not a lot of people were friends with. I remember reading alone in the playground, giving people answers, starting a magazine with my cousin, starting my first real diary, and writing my first short story. High School: I realized I hated writing short stories because I liked lots of subplots. I went through a rap phase, a pop phase, and emo/screamo phase when I first started online journaling. I met a guy online and loved him for six years or something. We hung out maybe twice because he lived far away. It was an up and down kind of thing, usually down. Found friends. Briefly did a stint in a pretty terrible band. Decided I wanted to be like my geometry teacher because he was so calm and peaceful. Had my first real boyfriend; broke up with my first real boyfriend. Had a succession of boyfriends after that. ("In love with love, and lousy poetry" - Weakerthans). Romances, more specifically failed ones, became my specialty. Graduated second ranked in my class; spoke at graduation. Applied to college, got into college. Decided to go to NYU. Freshman Year of College (2006-2007): Met a guy, dated, broke up. Wrote my first novel. Never edited it. Sophomore Year of College (2007-2008): Met some more guys, dated, broke up. Learned to drum on Rockband. Proceeded with my Politics and Journalism studies, while taking classes in the Hungarian languages. I think those are the classes I learned the most in. Junior Year of College (2008-2009): Met another guy (the current boyfriend) after staring at him every day for about two weeks in class, and then finally getting up the nerve to talk to him (it was either that or color a picture for him and throw it at him). Fell in love. Had sex for the first time ever. Continued studying. Maintained good grades. Got more into poetry. Senior Year of College (2009-present day): Here I am. Blogging for you and completely unsure of my future after graduation in May. But I'm optimistic, and things seem to be looking up. Quick Cast of Characters: Jbear (the current boyfriend) G (the guy from far away I loved for six years) Jo (my best friend) A-Peng (ex-bf turned platonic friend) ... if I think of anyone else I might reference, I'll add them to this list. That's all for now; I'm too tired. I still have to write three poems for poetry reading tomorrow night and have no idea what to write about!

Ups and Downs

Current music: Motley Crue - Bitter Pill Current mood: Ambitious I spent some time considering the ups and downs of keeping up this blog, the pros and the cons. Laid them out in a list. Pro: It was a good way to vent, and set energy flowing. Con: I was never motivated enough, and I could spend time doing other things. And then it was like life molded to match my blog debate, or maybe my blog debate was just another piece of an up and down puzzle. During Christmas break, the boyfriend and I experienced a setback, a temporary breakup during which he doubted how he felt about me. I, the Pisces that I am, experienced extreme devastation for a few days while I worried we wouldn't get back together. Eventually, I realized I was staking too much of my own happiness on that idea, and decided I'd live through it either way. Happily, we did get back together only a week or so later. And I think our relationship, and my own personal self-view, came out of it stronger. So then life settled down and I prepared to start blogging again, but then school started up and I got caught up in a whirlwind of trying to make time for homework, my internship at amNewYork, hanging out with friends and seeing the boyfriend. But I'm trying to get back into this habit. So let's hope I can do it. In an effort to involve myself more deeply into this blog, I'm going to write another post with a short, brief life history and an introduction to the cast of characters of my life, so that I can feel comfortable referencing people and my (few) readers will at least have an idea what I'm talking about! So, here we go again, back into the cycle. Back on an upswing.