05 August 2009

Letting Go

Right now, John is in the process of moving out of his dorm in Manhattan to an apartment in the Bronx, just a few blocks away from where I live, actually. I can't imagine trying to move all of my stuff out of my room and into somewhere new. But see, that's the problem. Because when you're moving, you have to throw stuff out. You have to let go of all those old love letters (which, for years, I re-read and re-read, just to open up the metaphorical wounds anew); sometimes, you have to toss the memories to consolidate and make room for the new. It took me a long time to realize this and, now, as I help John pack and as he so easily talks about leaving things behind, I'm realizing it all over again. I am far too attached to my belongings -- not in a materialistic way, but in a sentimental way. And I am way too attached to former loves and friends -- although I can't say I have very many left of the latter. Just a few days ago, I had to let go a really close friend, who I've known for nearly four or five years. It was hard, but I'm getting along alright. As for those love letters, I now have Warhammer* miniature models to take their place. (-_-) Well, at least it's something, and at least it makes me smile rather than frown about the past. Try it with me. Let go of the things that don't matter anymore. Let go of any negative feelings about those around you, and especially about yourself. Let go of your ego and your physical manifestation, and become a swirling mass of feelings and potential, and let yourself be guided home. ------ *P.S. - for anyone who doesn't know what Warhammer is, you can read my article about it and one of its players here. Or, for the simple explanation - its a tabletop war game where you battle another player using tiny models you've built and painted yourself. And yes, John does have me building a Wood Elf army. (Which, yeah, yeah, I'll let go of the pretense and admit it -- I'm really excited about it!)

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